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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036232">they're all a bunch of rascals</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_alien_duck/pseuds/little_alien_duck'>little_alien_duck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: The Next Generation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, also badass hyper competent Alyssa Ogawa, but it's mostly Wesley and his weird family, mostly found family, there are some implied romantic relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:42:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_alien_duck/pseuds/little_alien_duck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The logical answer to the question: who would be the funniest character on the Enterprise to be unaffected by Rascal-style de-aging? Wesley Crusher, of course.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wesley &amp; the crew of the Enterprise, implied data/geordi, implied picard/crusher, implied riker/troi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>they're all a bunch of rascals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Wesley pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not how he thought the day was going to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was home on the Enterprise for a break. His plan had been to hang in engineering with Data and Geordi and catch up on the sleep his homework had been stealing from him at the Academy. He had not been planning on dealing with whatever </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He should’ve known something was up as soon as he’d been commed. The clues were all there. In the first place, there was the fact that it wasn’t his mom who commed him. It wasn’t Commander Riker or Geordi or even the Captain. It was Ensign Ro, who he only kind of knew. And she sounded worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was at conn and heard yelling from the briefing room. It sounded like something was wrong, so I came in and found… this.” Ro gestured to the chaos in front of her. “I’m guessing it was some sort of localized temporal anomaly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Wesley answered without really paying attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The chaos in front of them was kids, a whole group of them where the senior staff should’ve been. This was not even the worst of it. The worst of it was that these kids were not just any kids, they were the senior staff. There was his mother, looking like she was about eleven years old, wearing a uniform that was now far too large for her and snickering at an increasingly annoyed looking Lieutenant Worf. Riker was talking to Counselor Troi. The two of them were giggling about something, and Wesley </span>
  <em>
    <span>did not </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to know what it was. Geordi looked petulant, an expression Wesley hadn't even thought he was capable of. At the head of the table, a young and decidedly unintimidating looking Captain Picard seemed utterly dismayed at his inability to get anyone to listen to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, something had to be done. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley strode over to the Captain’s side, wondering what the hell he was going to say when he got there. “Uh, Captain? Can I talk to you for a moment? In private?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wesley! Of course!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Captain Picard’s voice cracked as he spoke, and a blush erupted across his cheeks. He stumbled over the trailing hem of his pant leg as he stood which only made the matter worse. Wesley had to stop himself from staring as he followed the Captain to his Ready Room. Jean-Luc Picard looked like he was right at the beginning of a growth-spurt, all limbs on the verge of being too long for him to use. Weirdest of all, he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>hair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wesley, what can I do for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley bit back another sigh. Captain Picard wasn’t going to address the elephant in the room, meaning he was going to have to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Captain, clearly something happened in the briefing room. What was it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh well, I don’t know exactly.” Picard was fidgeting, playing the shirtsleeves of his too-long uniform. “There was a flash of light, and well, then this happened.” He spread his arms out, putting on full display how young he now looked. There was a lost expression on his face Wesley found unsettling. The man who was the closest thing Wesley had to a living father was not supposed to look like a confused middle schooler. Wesley was used to Picard having all the answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great. Well, I think it’s probably a good idea to get you all to sickbay to try to figure out what is going on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Picard nodded furiously. “Right. Of course. Make it so, Cadet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley made sure his back was to the Captain before he rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sickbay was not any less chaotic. Getting the gaggle of senior officers there had taken every ounce of patience Wesley possessed. Ro had stayed on the bridge because someone needed to keep the ship running which meant that Wesley was stuck with babysitting duty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The biggest problem with sickbay was that the Chief Medical Officer wanted to be in charge of her sickbay. This was an issue because the Chief Medical Officer was currently eleven and also quite distracted by talking to Jean-Luc Picard. Both of them were blushing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gross,” Wesley mumbled under his breath. He made eye contact with Ensign Ogawa, both of them shaking their heads in a “what are you going to do?” gesture. The Ensign had been unsuccessfully trying to wrestle the tricorder away from her boss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doctor Crusher, could I please see the tricorder?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alyssa, I know what I’m doing,” the Doctor replied sternly, though the effect was ruined somewhat by how childish her voice sounded. Wesley wondered for a moment if that was how he had sounded when they had first come to the Enterprise and he was determined to show how clever he was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you do, Doctor. Now could I please have the tricorder?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley was torn away from the scene in front of him by a tug at his sleeve. It was Geordi, worry etched into his features. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Data?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course that was what Geordi was upset by. Wesley should’ve guessed sooner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Data’s not here right now, buddy.” Wesley had no idea where the word buddy had come from, but that was how you talked to kids, right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s at a conference, remember?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When is he gonna be back?” Geordi asked, a growing discomfort in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley couldn’t remember, but if he had to guess, he would say it would be at least another two days. He didn’t think that answer would go over well with Geordi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soon,” he lied. Geordi still looked suspicious but seemed content enough. He wandered off to talk to Worf, marginally less troubled. Crisis averted for the moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cadet, can I talk to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley whirled around. Ogawa had managed to distract the Doctor by getting her to explain some of the medical equipment to Captain Picard. Once she was distracted, Ogawa could snag the tricorder unnoticed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please tell me you can change them back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so that’s the good news. I think I will be able to get them back to their usual selves.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were multiple pieces of that sentence that Wesley didn’t like. One of them was that Alyssa said “think,” but that felt like a smaller problem than the other bit he didn’t like. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said that was the good news. What’s the bad news?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It will take some time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How much time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Wesley spoke there was a crash from behind him. Will Riker, baby-faced but still just as broad shouldered, was looking sheepishly at the medical equipment he’d knocked over with an excited swing of his arm. It looked like it included an experiment which was now seeping across the carpet.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oops.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Uh oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wesley thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mom’s gonna be pissed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will. Riker.” There was murder in Beverly’s eyes. She looked about two seconds away from tackling the Commander to the ground, hippocratic oath be damned. She probably would have too, were it not for Picard holding her back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom!” Wesley moved between Beverly and her target, holding his hands out in a “calm down” gesture. It was an odd experience to have to be the voice of reason to his own mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Riker, for his part, looked genuinely afraid for his safety despite the fact that he still towered over Beverly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll clean it up! I’ll clean it up!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly crossed her arms over her chest and watched. Another fire temporarily put out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley was still babysitting. As much as they all insisted they were functioning at maximum capacity, Wesley could smell bullshit. None of them seemed terribly capable of focusing. That was necessary for commanding a ship. He’d taken them to the Holodeck. That seemed like the only place he could keep an eye on all of them at once besides Ten Forward, and he did not think the rest of the crew needed to witness that. Captain Picard would be mortified.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The program running was a waterpark. Wesley, who had never babysat before, picked the first child appropriate program he could find. The Captain had lobbied for Dixon Hill, but Wesley stood his ground against that one. Captain Picard could thank him later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So far the program seemed to be a hit. At least no one was complaining. Worf was refusing to get in the water because “Klingons don’t swim,” and Geordi was still sulking because of the intolerable lack of Data, but neither of them was saying anything about it. And really if they do, Wesley doesn’t want to hear it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Commander Riker and Counselor Troi sprawled themselves across inner tubes, floating down the lazy river. It was odd to see Will Riker’s bony, boyish shoulders. He had a farmer’s tan Wesley couldn’t explain. Maybe that was a permanent feature of teenaged Riker. Deanna laughed as he splashed her, and she splashed him right back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little beyond them, Beverly was unsuccessfully trying to convince the other three to go down a waterslide with her. Worf flat out refused. Geordi agreed to come, though he was still moping. When the Captain finally agreed after Beverly threatened to go without him, she chewed her lips, her eyes bright. There was a pause before she said, “Let’s go!” the two boys following her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From where Wesley sat in a molded plastic chair, his feet kicking at the water below, he realized that she was scared. It was then that he remembered how much his mother didn’t like heights. She hadn’t even liked the slide on the playground when he was little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed to himself as he watched them climb the stairs, Geordi lagging behind. It was very twelve years old of her, to insist that they go down the slide she really didn’t want to go down, to prove to anyone that she wasn’t scared before they even got the chance to say anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They splashed Worf on the way down, laughing as they went. There was an eruption of pubescent Klingon rage Wesley was sure could be heard from three decks down. Then Deanna slipped and twisted her ankle after the lazy river lost interest and her splash fight with Will escalated. Everyone, including Wesley who had his uniform rolled up to his knees, was soaking wet and moods were quickly deteriorating. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deanna put on a brave face, but it was a twelve year old brave face. Wesley worried that he was about to have to deal with tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let Deanna put an arm around his shoulder while he led her to a beach chair. He made everyone leave her alone, except for Beverly, who looked over her ankle with a practiced medical eye, and Will, whose hand she refused to let go of. Behind them, Wesley could hear Captain Picard distracting the other two. It was the first time all day Wesley thought he sounded like a captain. It made him smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to call sickbay, you’re gonna be fine, Counselor,” Wesley said in his most calming voice. A sprained ankle was not the worst scenario the senior staff of the starship Enterprise had ever encountered. It wouldn't even make the top ten. But at twelve, a sprained ankle might be the end of the world. Wesley kept saying whatever encouraging words he could think of until Alyssa showed up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just about to call you anyway,” she said. “I think I’ve got a solution to this.” She gestured around them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a saint.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It hasn’t worked yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When it worked, because of course it worked, the first words out of Captain Picard’s mouth were that Ensign Ogawa deserved a promotion. Wesley hoped someone would hold him to that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The senior staff had jobs to get back to. They’d spent more of their day fooling around than they’d planned on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Though I believe someone here is quite deserving of a break.” Captain Picard turned to Wesley. “Thank you, Mr. Crusher.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Picard shook Wesley’s hand in a proud, paternal way, and everything was back to normal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The senior staff left sickbay and went back to their jobs. Counselor Troi thanked Wesley as she went. Her ankle was healed. The adult Doctor Crusher has done it in half a minute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly Crusher went back to her office, and her son followed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to get back to work, Wes. I’ll see you for dinner, if you aren’t too embarrassed to have dinner with your mother in Ten Forward.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley hesitated. He was standing in the doorway, his uniform rumpled from the waterpark’s pungent chlorine. “Mom, did I do okay? I haven’t spent that much time around kids, and I didn’t think I knew what to say most of the time-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly interrupted her son by running a hand through his hair. “You did great, Wesley. Go get some rest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Mom.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley was almost back to his quarters when his comm badge beeped. He steadied himself, not entirely sure if his patience would hold if the world turned inside out again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Commander Data to Ensign Crusher.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Data? You’re back on the ship? When did you get back?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he didn’t know that the senior staff was swamped, he would have been sure this was Commander Riker playing a prank on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have been back for approximately two hours and thirty seven minutes. Why do you ask?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wesley started laughing. He was beyond exhausted, and his bad luck seemed too funny to be true. “Data, that would have been great to know two hours and thirty seven minutes ago. Geordi would have been much less mopey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mopey? I do not understand, Wesley.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you later, Data. I’m officially on break. Captain’s orders.”</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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